If you’re curious about the backstory for this blog title, check it out here. It’s a meaningful goal to me and one that I hope to communicate to our children as they grow.
However, there’s no denying that this concept does NOT come naturally to children or adults. Children tend to be selfish and it takes a certain amount of maturity to be able to look beyond one’s own wants and desires to the needs of another person. Our oldest is currently six years old and he’s got a loooooong way to go in understanding and applying this concept.
There are so many days where the selfishness and constant “me first!” attitudes are discouraging and draining and I wonder if they will ever get get beyond this. But… our children are still very young, and there ARE fleeting moments where I see the fruits of our labors. Here’s how we have begun to introduce this important concept and plant the seeds of serving and helping.
Use the Vocabulary. From very young ages, when our little babies would first toddle to the kitchen to throw away their dirty diapers, we would praise them for being “such good helpers!” Young children love to be useful and they always beam with pride when they know they have really and truly helped with something! I think it’s important to capitalize on this eagerness and allow them to “help” in many ways, even when it’s actually not helpful in the least; because someday, it will be.
About a year ago I started using the word “serve” with our boys, mostly in regards to cleaning the house. I explained how God wants us to serve others (see the verse below) and how one way we can serve our family is by helping to keep the house clean. And since that time I’ve tried to consistently include this vocabulary so they see what it means practically. “Boys, we can serve Grandma by vacuuming and picking up our toys. It’s nicer for her to come to a house that is clean, so this is how we are serving her.”
Memorize the Verses. This one is a work in progress - we haven’t actually memorized both of these verses yet, but I plan to continue working on it next year. The verses I’ve found to connect with this concept are Galatians 5:13b (“Do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”) and Galatians 6:10 (“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.”)
This step is important because it gives us the WHY behind this concept. We are not serving and helping just because it is convenient for Mom (though it is), or because it builds character and is good for them (though it does and it is), but firstly and foremostly because God instructs us to do so.
See the Opportunities. And act upon them! As I mentioned above, it’s often (usually? always?) easier and faster and more efficient to do the work ourselves, but our children need the chance to put these ideas into practice with their very own pudgy hands. Look for opportunities where they can help, and allow them to do so! Alternatively, if there is a job that our boys truly cannot yet help with, I will try to explain to them what I am doing and why so that they can see how Mom and Dad serve and help others. “Boys, I am making this big supper so that I can bring some of it to our friends who have a new baby. This is a way that we can serve them!” I’ve felt uncomfortable with this at times, but I have to remind myself that it is teaching, not boasting, and say it in such a way that reflects that attitude.
To be honest, this is an area in which I see my own need to grow. I don’t like strangers - my first preference is to never look at or talk to others when we leave the house - and making new friends is arduous for me. It’s easy for me to enjoy serving my children and my husband and close friends, but anyone else… it takes the spirit of God to pry open my eyes and show me the needs around us!
The problem is that if I keep that attitude, I will not only miss opportunities to help and serve others, but I will also miss opportunities to show this mindset to my children by example. There’s nothing like a good dose of hypocrisy to kill any virtue you are trying to teach to your children!
And so we pray. We pray for ourselves first, to see the needs in our communities and circles and to have a generous spirit that is willing to help meet them. And then we pray for our children, that they too would begin to see beyond themselves and find joy in helping others.
I saw a brief answer to this prayer last week when Middle Brother spontaneously began picking up his art supplies in the dining room. He had a funny little grin on his face and as I watched him, he turned to me and happily exclaimed, "Mommy, guess what? I am serving you and Daddy!"
Yes you are, sweet boy, and I'm so thankful.
How have you shown your children the importance of helping?
If you have older children, do you have any helpful tips for teaching these ideas as they grow up?
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