... and that's a good thing. Truly.
If you are alive on this planet in 2022, you've probably heard the lie that YOU ARE ENOUGH.* Let me say it again, in case you missed it: this is a lie. It used to be phrased as BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I'm certain that it's been repackaged, rephrased, repeated, hundreds, thousands, millions of times throughout the history of the world because this is same lie that appeared in the very beginning.
You don't need God. You are wise enough. You are strong enough. You even can be like God yourself!
This might sound encouraging and affirming - and I don't doubt the well-intentioned motives of those who repeat it - but if it's untrue, it cannot actually encourage or affirm. If you believe this, you will either succeed, as I have done at times, and then probably fall prey to pride (which is number one on the Big List Of Things God Hates) or you will fail, as I am doing now, and then wonder what's wrong with you. Surely there must be a better option!
* if you are not alive on this planet in 2022, please email me. I'm very curious about you.
Each time we bring a new baby into our family, the ensuing sleep-deprivation and chaos has a way of humbling me and showing me - yet again, because apparently I need many reminders - that I cannot be a good parent on my own. It is too hard, there are too many of them, my own strength is limited and their needs seem infinite. Each morning I am greeted by a noisy posse of small people who need food and diapers and clean clothes and teaching and training and food and love and attention and food and correction and food and listening ears and food and hugs.
And did I mention food?
Don't get me wrong; I love them, I love spending my life with them, and I chose to do this! They, and my dear husband, are absolutely the greatest blessings I've ever been given. The hard seasons are more than made up for in the deep joy of watching them grow and learn and blossom into amazing little people with souls and personalities and intelligence and tenderness and humor. Yes, I am unashamedly biased, but these kids are the best!
But if you add to the normal parenting work a baby who continues to wake during the night, several rounds of sick kids and midnight vomiting, several rounds of sick mom, older children with growing needs, a toddler who refuses to potty train, and a house that still can't seem to clean itself... I can see, clearer than the fingerprints on my windows, that I can't do this with the cheerful heart that God desires and that my kids need to see. The responsibility is immense and I am NOT enough!
But, praise God, I don't have to do it on my own.
I went for a walk by myself recently (which incidentally is amazing and also helps with discouragement) and while watching a group of small sparrows flit from tree to tree I was suddenly reminded of these words:
"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?
And not one of them is forgotten before God.
Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows."
Luke 12:6-7
and this one
"Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap,
they have neither storehouse nor barn,
and yet God feeds them.
Of how much more value are you than the birds!"
Luke 12:24
God's care for the animals is visible proof of his even-greater care for us, and I know that he will give me what I need each and every day. And he has! There have been many days where I wake up more exhausted than when I went to bed; when the weight of all the physical, emotional, mental, educational, and spiritual needs of my children overwhelms me; when my body is worn out and the children are crying and the only prayer I can muster is "Lord, have mercy."
And yet, here we are. He gives me endurance to keep going and patience when mine was sucked dry hours ago; wisdom when we need direction, and vision to see the beauty in the mess and appreciate these precious, fleeting days. He heals our diseases, provides for our many needs, and brings encouragement along just when we most need it. It's not to say that all our troubles vanish - my baby still won't sleep through night, my son still needs expensive therapy, our roof is still leaking and the rain is dripping into our kitchen, my list of prayer requests continues to grow - but God gives us the grace to bear them and to keep going, one day at a time. Your own burdens might be larger than mine, or smaller. I don't know, but I do know that we all have them and that God cares for you and yours just as he does for me.
I am most certainly not enough, but I know the one who is - and he's on my side. Simply knowing and believing this is immensely comforting! Sarah Mackenzie reminds us in Teaching From Rest that, just like the disciples, we don't need to (in fact, it's impossible to) do it all on our own.
"If you are being asked to feed a multitude with a tiny basket of loaves and fish, then bring your basket. He starts with that. We bring our basket - whatever talents, skills, abilities we have - and...He works the miracle.
.... Bring your loaves and your fish, even if you think them completely insufficient. They are insufficient. You are insufficient. But His grace is not."
It's deeply humbling to realize that even our "basket," as she coins it, is a generous and undeserved gift from the one who made us in the first place.
This past year has been a hard one for us in many ways, but hard times can be a great blessing if they teach us truth and expose lies.
It is good to see our insufficiency and our desperate need of Christ.
It is good to bring our burdens to the Lord and trust that whether they remain or are removed, he knows what is best.
It is good to know that God cares for the sparrows, and for the children, and for their parents.
"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young."
Isaiah 40:11
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